Hayden

[Skatie]

December 12, 2010

Instead of May, I'm going to Spain in March. I cannot freaking wait. That is all.

[Skatie]

December 16, 2010

My family is bound and determined that I should be put in an early grave. I can't even stand them. Every day, they solidify my decision to move to Spain instead of having Hayden move here. I don't want to be here anymore. I hate it here, very literally. They are so stifling to me. Why can't they allow me to make my own decisions without being crazy and overbearing? They tighter they hold on, the farther away I'm going to go.

So tired. March can't come soon enough. I'm so over my life as I know it.

[Skatie]

December 20, 2010

Hayden's sexy photos will have to wait for a couple of weeks due to my falling down an icy flight of stairs. See exhibit A below.

Also, you may comment upon this horrific picture on my Facebook.

[Skatie]

July 21, 2012

A lot has happened since I last updated this thread. So much, in fact, that to recall anything in any sort of detail would take me a lot of time. More than that, to recall what has happened would be too mentally upsetting for me to go through. I have since lived with my mum, in Scotland, with Roo (who was on the boards for only a brief time), and with Fawkes. Yes, I currently live in the same house as THE Fawkes. I have broken up with Hayden. I have gotten back with Hayden. I have scraped the pits of despair and dragged myself up painstakingly over and over again. I am exhausted. I am beat down.

Upon returning from Scotland, I had an incredibly difficult time finding work. It took Roo and her mother's influence to get me a job I was completely unqualified for (medical assistant) and their generosity in putting me up in their home, which I didn't pay rent for. The doctor's office fell to shit and both Roo and her mother jumped ship, understandably so, and we all parted ways. I came to live with Fawkes and got a very good job working for a government contract. I was making double what I had ever made before and the work wasn't bad.

Then, on April 24, I was laid off. Here I am in July, still unemployed and living on a very small amount of unemployment. I just barely get by paying my bills. If it were not for Fawkes and her boyfriend, I would have nothing. Truly. They are inarguably the most generous and wonderful friends in the world. To me, at least.

Now that you know where I live and work (or don't work), I guess you'll want an update on Hayden. This is, after all, a thread entitled 'Hayden'. Well, I can't. I can't talk about what I have been through. I know that I posted something on here at some point but have since deleted it. The past is back there in the rear view mirror and I'm not mentally strong enough to gaze at it without breaking all over again. All I know is that everything is changed and for the very best. I shed a lot of naivety and we both have changed.

Hayden is due to be here in the beginning of August. Yes, in about two weeks. The plan is for him to arrive and for us to put the paperwork in motion for him to marry me. This means a K1 visa (or fiancé visa). Once that is (hopefully) sorted out, we will be getting married. I am so stressed out beyond belief. I know that he won't let me down this time but the past has wounded me. I can't help but worry that he won't keep his word to me. I can't even discuss it because it's such a negative view. Just please pray or whatever it is that you do that everything works out for me. I don't think I can bear another heartbreak. I really don't.

So, I am pretty excited about getting married, though I won't be able to have a proper wedding. The prospect of being Mrs. Matthews pretty much makes everything bad in my life float away on a cloud. I can't wait to take him home to my family, who now live a ten hour drive away, and announce him as my future husband. I can't fucking wait for my life to finally take off; to finally be complete. I've lived a half-life for so long. Will it finally be my turn to really know the fullness of a life lived?

God, I can't bear to doubt it.