Lyrical Madness

[Skatie]

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

I'm so embarrassed, I keep feeling nauseous. I went out by the lake to write some music today and this seventh year Slytherin pounded me in the back of the head with a football. I know he didn't mean to but I just can't stop laying here feeling mortified. Falling on my face wasn't embarrassing enough, I passed out and he had to carry me to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey said I had a concussion. Wow, I feel so stupid. I literally could crawl under my four-poster and never come out.

His name is Griffin. He's taller than anyone in the world and he has really pretty eyes. He didn't make fun of me but I still feel just wretched. On top of everything, my notebook is ruined. Lost, too. I dropped it in a mud puddle then we left it behind because I decided to be really entertaining and lose consciousness. Ugh.

I still haven't written Warner back. My stomach is in knots over that, too. I haven't slept in a week, I'm so upset about everything with him. I missed him so much all these years and now that he's finally back, I feel like I'm cornered and there's no way out. I can't talk to Mum and Dad about him. They wouldn't want me to speak to him, not after all he's done. I don't know what to do

I feel sick. More later.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

The guy who beaned me with the ball keeps turning up around every corner. I think it's because I'm hyper-aware of him now. I'm sure he isn't seeking me out. Why would he? Either way, I've been avoiding him like the plague. I can't bear to look him in the eye after how stupid I looked in front of him. He always smiles at me when I glance his way, though, so either he's still laughing at me or he's just really nice. A nice Slytherin? I guess there's been stranger things.

I really need a new notebook to write lyrics in. I promised to keep them out of my diary because this diary cost me too much money and my lyrics would fill it so fast. We get to go to Hogsmeade these weekend so I'm definitely going to Scrivenshaft's to get one. Maybe two. We'll see what they have, at least. Could do with a good quill, as well. This one is alright for diary entries but I need something that glides better for lyrics so my flow isn't lost.

Wrote Warner back. I told him all the things he asked me. I thought about lying but I got nervous he would find out that I did. He said he will let me sing over next break if I just behave. It isn't so bad, right? A lot of people have arranged marriages. They've been happening since the beginning of time. I can do it. I can. I can. I have to.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

Alright, I know that I've started a running theme by constantly starting out talking about Griffin Barrington. I can't wait to tell you about what happened, though. I went to Hogsmeade today, like I said I would, and Griffin was in Scrivenshaft's. He bought the last of the notebooks I really wanted, so I didn't end up getting anything. I don't like to buy notebooks that aren't really inspiring to me. I need the proper working conditions for writing lyrics, you know? Well, anyway....

I left Scrivenshaft's but before I got anywhere, Griffin caught up and asked to buy me a butterbeer. Even though I told him no a million times, he kept pressing me so I finally said I would go but pay for my own. (Of course, he ended up paying because he was sly). ANYWAY HE GAVE ME THE NOTEBOOK! Not just the one notebook, but he gave me THREE notebooks! And some really nice quills, too! I don't know why! Maybe he feels really badly about the concussion but he really shouldn't feel bad because it was only an accident!

I just don't understand about him at all. Why would he even care? I felt all flustered so I left pretty quickly and now I feel badly because maybe that was rude. I just... ugh! I don't know anything about talking to guys at all. I get nervous. I write these songs and they make out I've had all these romances but I don't even really have a lot of MATES. Then, I got to being afraid that Warner would find out and he would be mad.

Even though I'm confused and afraid.... I still feel pretty... I don't know? What's the word? Dreamy? I guess. I feel a little dreamy about him giving me the notebooks. That's the best gift anyone ever gave me. I wonder if he ever got the ball I had someone take to him. I hope he never finds out I bought it new for him. I had the kid roll it around in the mud before taking it to him. He was a really nice first year.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

I can't stop thinking about Griffin. Every time I go to write lyrics, all I can do is think about him. Maybe just because I write lyrics in a notebook he bought for me with a quill he bought for me. I don't know. I still try to avoid him, all the same. It's not a good time for me to get a crush on someone. Well, no time is ever going to be a good time for that, unless by some miracle I get a crush on my... Warner's friend.

Warner's friend is named Robert. Robert wrote a letter for Warner to send me and he included a picture. Did he really think that I would put his picture up somewhere and think of him fondly? He's a muggle, but he's very dangerous. Warner said that, because of me, he'll be able to rise in power in his... what I think is probably a gang? It really scares me. I don't understand why Warner got caught up with all of this. He said he went to Durmstrang and they taught him really dark magic, the sort that Hogwarts doesn't approve of.

I love Warner. I've spent so many night crying because I just wanted my brother to come home. Living in that house, being raised by strangers... I just wanted my own family there. Then they had their own children and I became little more than a live-in on holidays. I thought Warner finding me would mean having a real family but it's nothing like that. He said he's arranging for me to have my own little flat in London over holidays. He doesn't want me seeing anyone from Hogwarts while I'm gone from here. I don't know why.

I keep telling myself that if I sing at venues, I'll get picked up by a proper management and get away once and for all. Slim chance, I suppose, but it's just about the only hope I have right now. All my songs are turning out melancholy and slow lately. Especially the ones meant to pass for love songs. It'll never do.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

I'm on the train, heading home to London for holiday. It's a short holiday but it's long enough for me to perform a few times and possibly meet Robert. His letter says he prefers to be called RJ. I think having letters for a name is ridiculous. I'll feel idiotic calling a grown man ARE JAY. I wish I was brave enough to tell Warner that I can't help him with his involvement with Robert. It's too dangerous and I'm not very big or very tough.

That's the problem, though. It's too dangerous and I'm not very big or very tough. I thought I would be so excited to be seeing Warner again but I feel like there's a stone in my stomach as I approach Kings' Cross. I'm really dreading it now. What if Robert comes along to pick me up at the station? Will he expect me to ...to greet him as if I'm his girlfriend? I can't. Oh, I couldn't!

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

Just got settled in my new flat. It's quite small but it's very tidy and has more than enough furniture. Warner said that he rented it furnished, so that's handy, I thought. I wonder how much it cost him but I didn't dare to ask. The last thing I wanted was to remind him that he's giving me so much because I know that more is being asked in return. Russ seems quite at home. He's sleeping on the bed right now, looking so relaxed. I envy him.

When we reached the train station in London, Warner wasn't there to pick me up. I saw Griffin. I saw him a few times, because he came by my car a few times and said a few things in passing. I think he wanted to be invited to sit but I couldn't possibly invite him. I saw an older couple pick him up. They looked properly pleased to see him. I think the lady cried a little. It was sweet, how he leaned down and kissed her cheek. He's really tender toward them, I think. I shouldn't have watched. The last thing I need is to fuel this stupid school crush when I have so much other stuff to be filling my head.

I get to sing tonight. Warner's arranged for me to sing at a few clubs while I'm here, but he's dictated to me how I must dress and I feel like it's wrong. It isn't me. How will the write person notice me to help my career if they see me dressed this way, rather than how I really dress? I don't want a false image. Image is too important in this business. But Warner is firm. He's my manager, he says, and he gets to call the shots.

I haven't seen Robert. I'm glad but not relieved because I still dread the moment when I do meet him in person.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

I performed tonight! What a rush! Once I stepped on stage, everything just sort of melted off me and I felt better than I have in ages! I got to sing three songs and I think everyone really enjoyed me. They applauded so nicely! I never wanted to stop but I had to get off stage, of course. The guy that performed after my set paid me really nice compliments. I felt like I could fly!

I think the high is draining now. I need to go to bed. It's already after three in the morning! I'm so tired I could sleep forever.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

I still haven't had to meet Robert or any other of Warner's mates. I think that some have been there while I've performed (three times this week!) but none have spoken to me. Warner takes me there and then he takes me back home after. I'm performing again tonight at a club. I'm so excited. Being on stage is the most amazing experience for me.

The nights are so exciting and a little overwhelming, but my days are empty. I sleep in and then Russ and I loll about the flat. I write or read, mostly. I've caught up with my assignments, which is good. I go down the pub to use the payphone to call Mum and check in with her each day. We never speak long. She just talks about the kids and usually says she has to rush. I know she isn't my real mum nor he my real dad but I do miss them. I wish that they missed me. They're very good people, you know, just quite busy.

I should start getting ready. No idea how I'm going to squeeze into the tiny dress Warner's given me to wear. I feel naked in these types of clothes.

Maisie

[Skatie]

[Back-Dated Entry]

Dear Diary,

Griffin just left my flat.

He showed up at the club tonight and as soon as I was done performing, he found me at the bar. I was pretty embarrassed because I had performed a song I had written about him, though of course I didn't mention him by name. I hope he didn't know. I was still feeling all warm from performing when he found me. I got so scared, though, because Warner was there, so I asked him to step outside with me if he wanted to talk.

I was trying to figure out the most polite way to make him leave when Warner came out. They had a bit of a spat and Warner pulled his wand, then Griffin did. I was scared to death that Warner would hurt Griffin, so I disapparated him to my flat. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn't thinking. I was panicking, instead.

I suppose it could have all gone worse. Griffin is persistent. I've given him no reason to like me even as a person, let alone a mate or anything else. He still listened to me, though. He mended my arm (it got scraped because Warner pushed me into a brick building) and he was so patient with me. He... I think he told me he fancies me, but now I'm all confused. I know I told him about Robert. He's pretty upset.

I'm so in trouble. I let him hold me. He held me and I cried and cried on him and now I feel like I've just solidified the fact that I fancy him. It's not that I mind him knowing... but I mind me knowing. I know I shouldn't fancy him when I'm promised to someone else. It's not fair to anyone.

Why did I have to get hit by that ball? If I had just stayed in that day, Griffin wouldn't know a thing about me. I wouldn't be all twisted up inside, missing him just minutes after he's gone. I'm in huge trouble.

Maisie